One year later

Last week Seth turned one! 

I had way too much fun designing and painting his invitation.

Watching him grow from there to now has been the most amazing, most incredible year ever.  I swear it is just the weirdest, most wonderful thing. 

4 am in the hospital lobby...

...two days later...

...and exactly 363 days after that.

It's also been a bit challenging at times.  I've struggled this past year to fit everything in to my new life.  And here's the thing I finally figured out, I can't fit it ALL in.  I don't know why, but for months after my initial maternity-leave break, I tried to accomplish as much work post-baby as I did pre-baby.  Which would probably have been totally doable if I was sending Seth to daycare 5 days a week but I wasn't.  At the most, I would take him to my mama's house twice a week.  The rest of the week I would stress and struggle and sleep-deprive myself in to keeping up with my work. 

I know I have lots of childcare options, but the thing is, I don't want to be away from him right now any more than two days a week.  I feel guilty about that sometimes.  Like I'm supposed to be working more.  Like working less will push me even further down into the realm of no-one-takes-me-seriously-get-a-real-job.  For instance, over Christmas a relative told me, "You don't have a job, you just have a hobby that makes money."  I wanted to punch this person in the throat, but I fake-smiled politely instead.  Because to me, I do have a job.  Even if you don't want to call it a "job" I can assure you that I do in fact, work.  Ultimately though, I've decided that right now, work is going to have to take the backseat.  I want to spend as much time with Seth as I can while he is so little.  And I am in the very fortunate situation that Robert and I are financially able for me to do just that.    

SO.

Hear ye, hear ye.

1.  I am an artist.  I paint pictures.  People pay me for those pictures.  You can call it a job or a hobby or a joke or whatever you want.  I am 30 years old.  I do not care what you think.   

2.  I am a mama.  Therefore from this point forward, I hereby officially declare myself as a part-time artist (see #1).  Twice a week (and during nap times) I will dedicate myself 100% to furthering my art career.  The whole rest of the time I will be fully present for my little dude, guilt-free.  If you call me in the middle of the day, in the middle of the work week, and I tell you I'm at a playground with a puppet on my hand and a sippy cup in my purse, I will not be ashamed.

Feels good to get that all straightened out.