Last week Seth turned one!
Watching him grow from there to now has been the most amazing, most incredible year ever. I swear it is just the weirdest, most wonderful thing.
It's also been a bit challenging at times. I've struggled this past year to fit everything in to my new life. And here's the thing I finally figured out, I can't fit it ALL in. I don't know why, but for months after my initial maternity-leave break, I tried to accomplish as much work post-baby as I did pre-baby. Which would probably have been totally doable if I was sending Seth to daycare 5 days a week but I wasn't. At the most, I would take him to my mama's house twice a week. The rest of the week I would stress and struggle and sleep-deprive myself in to keeping up with my work.
I know I have lots of childcare options, but the thing is, I don't want to be away from him right now any more than two days a week. I feel guilty about that sometimes. Like I'm supposed to be working more. Like working less will push me even further down into the realm of no-one-takes-me-seriously-get-a-real-job. For instance, over Christmas a relative told me, "You don't have a job, you just have a hobby that makes money." I wanted to punch this person in the throat, but I fake-smiled politely instead. Because to me, I do have a job. Even if you don't want to call it a "job" I can assure you that I do in fact, work. Ultimately though, I've decided that right now, work is going to have to take the backseat. I want to spend as much time with Seth as I can while he is so little. And I am in the very fortunate situation that Robert and I are financially able for me to do just that.
Hear ye, hear ye.
1. I am an artist. I paint pictures. People pay me for those pictures. You can call it a job or a hobby or a joke or whatever you want. I am 30 years old. I do not care what you think.
2. I am a mama. Therefore from this point forward, I hereby officially declare myself as a part-time artist (see #1). Twice a week (and during nap times) I will dedicate myself 100% to furthering my art career. The whole rest of the time I will be fully present for my little dude, guilt-free. If you call me in the middle of the day, in the middle of the work week, and I tell you I'm at a playground with a puppet on my hand and a sippy cup in my purse, I will not be ashamed.
Feels good to get that all straightened out.